As many woman around the world I have had many hardships in life. Growing up in South Africa born raised by a strong single mum i have recently noticed the issues developed from lack of strong male role models in my life and how always the woman figures around me played both roles; closer to home my mum was both parents.
From a young age have experienced shame, been abused, embarrassed, ridiculed, pained and the list continues; with unfortunately not only by men but by women as well.
I have experienced sexual & physical abuse which had left me with deep rooted emotional scaring. For years I carried all that trauma & pain. I chose to push away anyone that has ever tried to care for me in fear of trusting & getting hurt again – being vulnerable, open…
Continually I walked away from any pursuing serious committed relationships. Turning my back on anyone that has ever tried to care for me. My heart turned completely to stone, my warm loving nature was turned cold & near closed completely. There was a shift from open flowing female energy to hard and direct masculine. Like that of a hunter.
At this time in my life I turned to alcohol, drugs & sex to numb myself. Over this time my behaviour and shadowy lifestyle developed an alter ego named Gina, she was came to possess me in my empty times. Alone and without grounding this demon occupied me and pretended to protected me from any harm. Gina’s targets were married men just for her to feel wanted and to feel superior, she would drown them in her, leave them broke, hopeless & in love.
One evening while she was with her victim she met a profound warm healer, she kept in contact with him & he was the only male that was able to push Gina back & let Ntombizodwa come out to shine again, Ive learned a lot, just by accepting and facing the hurt I’ve been through & just being able to voice it out, cry and take it one day at a time. I’ve come to remember much about my purpose and gift of life as well as being a strong woman driven to help shape the future for all of us to enjoy and grow in.
I’ve done a tremendous amount of healing, I am now mother to a beautiful baby boy who I will teach how to treat & respect women. To embrace all aspects of ones self the feminine and masculine qualities we are all born with.
What it is that I’m trying to say is that I want to help & heal all women that have demons their battling. Let us not be mute anymore, Its okay to reach out for help, let’s carry each other. Beyond culture, creed, sexual orientation, we are all one and the same woman.
My name is Ntombizodwa Khumalo I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend but most importantly I am a WOMAN.